EMOTIONALLY PARALYZED.....

Interesting title and one that came very clearly to me today as I was deleting files on my computer.

Why did it come to my mind during that process? Well it's a no brainer function and my brain likes to function-therefore when I have a "blank moment" in my brain :-) words pop in my head. This is the title that did.

In my usual form I take the idea in my head and let myself "travel" with it in my mind through the winding roads of memories and experiences. I have a policy that whatever I go through, I will make sure I pay attention- who on earth wants to have to travel that road again?

Learning is imperative for me and has been since the first time I remember observing the hardworking ants on the grass outside my kindergarten classroom. I was fascinated and lost track of time observing their behaviour. All these years later I continue to observe both my behaviour and others, never losing interest.

The vocal observation of my wonderful boyfriend is hilarious, who seems to "observe me, observing others" and says, " I think too much" (as he kisses my forehead)and so he should, after all, he benefits from my profound thinking! :-)

I hope you can follow me here? Those who have had the experience of listening to my radio shows or been in my classrooms, can attest to the "quickness of my wording and length of diatribes". I can go on and on.

Back to our subject: In order to be emotionally paralyzed, we have to have been "injured" as in any natural process of paralyzation. Injury is the cause.. sometimes more instantly impacting than the rather "normal" pace of gradual hardening of the "emotional arteries". Being that the bulk of my background has been in healthcare education, I find the medical analogies most helpful and impacting.

Here are my thoughts around emotional paralysis.
Injury occurs in everyday life, from the smallest age and on. Whether at home or in the classroom and I do NOT want to minimize some of the most difficult of injuries to our souls by lessening the impact, but the truth is.. imperfect and broken people raise children. The inevitable happens... those children are impacted by the emotional brokenness of the adults they are born under (or adopted under) and the case for emotional paralysis exists.

As humans who experience hurt, naturally we recoil from the pain and try and "protect" ourselves from it by shutting down or attempting escape by removing ourselves from the offensive person or situation. Although we may "physically escape the pain or remove ourselves from it's influence, it is still "within us". Still following along just watch your reaction to someone elses reaction- How did that come out of YOU?? . We have to get smart about emotional pain or we become the very person that we are trying to escape from.
Don't believe me? Try this on for thought...

Someone hurts you. You get angry or recoil from the pain. So far natural, but in order to stay away from the "offensive person" you have to tell yourself a story about who they are, why they did it and close the door on your own conclusions.

The only problem with that is .....you don't have the WHOLE story- because you only see from YOUR perspective and it's limited. They hurt you, they are destructive and you know it and you stay away. BUT what have you gained? It's like they threw acid on you and you ran, but the effects of the acid now remain in YOU - unless you can learn to understand. That's where the "work" comes in and frankly speaking not everyone wants to do their work, so emotional paralysis gets passed on to your children and their children and on and on.

In my life growing up I was impacted by the hurt of my parents, whose parents hurt them, whose parents hurt them and so on and so on and so on, all the way back to Adam if you believe the Bible.

Who should we blame? Can I blame my parents, or the parents who hurt them who eventually hurt me? Where does it end?

I know that I didn't and haven't always processed my dysfunction (if you are human you have dysfunction, like it or not-unless you are an alien) properly. However embracing my imperfection means I must accept that I have it and be OKAY with that.

Part of the healing process is to stop fighting yourself and accept that "hurts and imperfections are a part of you" and that only when we accept and embrace them do we discover our true potential. In my life as with others, there are those who still hold judgement over our behaviours me included and although there are others who have not yet come to grips with their own imperfection and may still hold judgement over you, you can move past it with understanding yourself.

Although I don't disagree that sometimes we need to back up when someone has hurt us, the backing up in my opinion, is really for the opportunity to learn.

You may choose after learning to still keep your distance depending on the situation but I think there is far too much of that going on and NOT enough curiosity about why someone did what they did. I believe that when we make decisions about what someone is saying, without asking them what they were really thinking, we can become arrogant. Arrogant in the sense that we "know it all" and therefore don't have to ask. Yet we walk around with HUGE offenses that leave us emotionally paralyzed- the kind of paralysis that leaves us judgemental over others, self righteous and afraid. I don't want to get hurt again therefore I will protect myself with suspicion and walls. Interesting observation that THEIR problem has now become YOUR dysfunction.

Please don't get me wrong, I am NOT speaking about physical violence where you feel you are in danger, or someone who keeps hurting you. I am talking the impact within YOU.. if YOU become anxious, or suspicious or negative or self protective.. that is what emotional paralysis is all about. It's about how YOU process the pain in your life.

More later.. .... when I have a "blank" moment..

DisclaimerCandace Newton is a facilitator, motivational speaker, and educator and is not a professional counselor. Candace Newton does not give advice, but redirects it to our on board counselor and to other resources. The topics discussed on-air and at speaking engagements are to be taken as informational, motivational, and as another point of view. Her comments expressed are in the context of "generally speaking" and may not be suitable for all and as a facilitator takes no liability or responsibility for any information disseminated on the program or in person. Personal judgment and evaluation of one's own situation is the responsibility of the listener.